So yeah, there was (and is) to be a 3 part University essay coming to the blog but sadly Christmas, work and a ton of work experience have gotten in the way of that. I am rather overrun at present so I cannot give the University work as much time as I would like right now.
I am however writing for Sickchirpse.com where I am posting various film reviews and I am also doing an internship with Inspiredtimes.com so my writing "career" is still coming along.
On the subject of sickchirpse, I recently submitted an article on my drunken stupidity. Unfortunately, I was too self deprecating and not "cool" enough (Bullshit, just read it)and it was a little too personal. Still, never fear the post is here in all of its.....um glory.
Drunken misadventures (Volume 1)
Hello, my name is Craig and I have a drinking problem. Not in the traditional sense mind you (I drink perhaps once a week and never do so alone), but in the sense that something rather bad happens to me when I drink. If you know me personally, or have read my posts then you may have caught on that I am a rather cynical person with a dry sense of humour. If you’ve met me in person or, God forbid, seen me at work, you will also know my voice rarely strays outside of ‘monotonous’.
Perhaps it’s because my day job fills me with such resentment and contempt, or that I have a substantial void in my life since leaving University, but when I do indulge in an alcoholic soaked night out I tend to just...let it all hang out. Spending and drinking just a bit too much and throwing caution to the wind. You see kids, I am a victim of the Post-University syndrome. Upon finishing I found myself separated from all of my friends and thrust rather unpleasantly into the real world of 9 to 5 mediocrity. My days are now a combination of retail hell, unpaid work experience and Facebook loitering (for which there should be a legal punishment). These sacrifices will no doubt pay off in the long run, but right now the void left in my social life is such that when a rare social outing is on offer, I go a bit crazy.
Now, unlike many who drink I never start fights, throw up violently, or make the most of the inflated self esteem and you know, try and meet a woman. Instead I become overwhelmed by a surge of juvenile idiocy. Think of it as an example of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde, if Jekyll were played by Alan Rickman and Hyde by David Brent. The transformation looks something like this.
Sauber and taking life far too seriously
1 drink later and loathed by all
Yeah, I know Tom Cruise references are very 2005 and that comparing yourself to Tom Cruise may seem egotistical (but we are the same height), but you get the point.
So it really hit me this weekend when I had some University friends down just how big this problem is. We engaged in some heavy drinking, reminiscing about better times and enjoying each other’s company. This civil behaviour was not to last though. After a particularly pitiful attempt to attract some female attention (turns out “Give me a cigarette and I’ll sort you out” does not make for a good chat up line), and winding up other bouncers by saying nonsensical things, we all headed home where upon further shenanigans ensued.
I don’t know what it is about traffic cones and roadwork signs that makes stealing them such an exciting endeavour for students, I guess it’s just some weird unwritten universal law. Anyways, on our way home we saw some road signs and traffic cones (on the pavement, not the road) and of course I took it upon myself to steal a cone declaring “IT’S JUST LIKE UNI AGAIN WOOOO". Thankfully my friends were there to put a stop to these hi-jinks. They were not there however to stop me doing my best Chuck Norris impression and performing a flying kick at a nearby roadwork sign. The awesome power of Chuck Norris (another outdated reference. I’m on fire!) was clearly with me this night as my foot went through the sign and I got stuck in the process.
I’m 24 years old.
And single. Ladies.
So yeah, while most people who have been out of drinking will tell tales of outrageous adventures and wild one night stands, I can tell tales about nights where I attempted to teach road signs a thing or two. And failed. This silly behaviour is sort of a problem, but hell, solitary traffic cones are really the only victims outside of my dignity, so I guess it could be worse. I could have danced. There's no excuse in the world that can justify that believe me.
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