Blockbusters are usually the easiest films to criticise, often vehicles for special effects and spectacular set pieces at the expense of a coherent narrative & scripting. The recent focus on 3D and the influx of films being produced specifically for the format has only exacerbated the problem. Still. I approached Clash of the Titans with an open mind, I mean, who doesn't like Greek mythology? Tales of good vs evil in fantastical ancient lands filled with beautiful women, gods and monsters and the stories often have a moral at there centre. Perfect material for a Hollywood blockbuster then. Obviously, I wasn't expecting a five star classic, but I was eagerly anticipating some throwaway fun, surely it could at least deliver that much.
Well. No.
First of all, a quick synopsis.
In Ancient Greece, a baby boy is found abandoned at sea and is taken in by a fisherman and his family and named Perseus. 12 years on and the people of Greece are revolting against the gods, as faith in the gods diminishes, so to does the power the gods posses. Enter Hades, who proposes a solution, however unbeknown st to the rest of the gods he has his own sinister agenda, as his plan will see Zeus fall and leave the world in chaos. When Hades actions cause the death of his foster family, Perseus sets out to seek vengeance, along the way learning that he is in fact the orphaned son of Zeus.
Got all that?
Well, first then it's important to mention that the aforementioned substitution of quality acting & narrative for aesthetic spectacle is in full effect here. If you can in fact call it such, the narrative is so clumsy you'd think Frank Spencer had a screenwriting credit. The first half of the film zips along at an insane speed, which is not a good thing, especially in the hands of such an apparently inept director. Characters appear and disappear so frequently that it's impossible to keep track and even if you could, you wouldn't want to as every character has apparently been lifted from an old dusty book of action cliche's. This is frankly, not a good thing. Take for example, the 'comedy' duo who accompany Perseus on his quest. Sure, the comedy sidekicks are a staple of the genre, but in say Star Wars there was a reason for 3P0 & R2 to actually be there, it's not as if Luke brought them along for their banter, especially as one of them can't even f*****g speak. Point is, there are plenty of characters here who serve no purpose whatsoever except to meet the expectations of the genre. Which they don't. Why even bother?
In fact the only character you could possibly care about is Perseus and that's not only because his character receives the most screen time, in now way is his character remotely interesting. In fact Perseus's foster family are on screen for such a small amount of time (5 minutes) that you won't care in the slightest and certainly won't care about his quest for justice. Of course, even the dullest character on paper can be brought to life by the right actor on screen, having done this twice (With Avatar & T4) I thought Sam Worthington would go 3 for 3 here. Unfortunately he only displays flashes of the charisma he demonstraedin his earlier efforts and spends most of the film stoic faced and delivering his lines with all the enthusiasm of an M.E sufferer giving a eulogy.
Any hope that veterans Liam Neeson and Ralph fiennes would deliver in the acting department were also quickly crushed in short order. If you have read my earlier post regarding Woody Harrelson, you may be familiar with my theory that A-List actors will often jump aboard vehicles like this for a big paycheck and an excuse to dress up and perform in any manner they choose. A chance to slum it for big money. Where as up and coming stars or those whose star has fallen must do as they're told and be happy for the work, or in the latters case, put on a brave face and then shed a tear whilst nobody's looking. In the case of Fiennes, it's a chance to perfect his Voldermort voice and experience the sensation of long locks of hair for the first time. Neeson just phones it in, delivering minimal dialogue and seems to have got the role on account of being really tall and that he can pull off a beard better than anyone.
And then there's Gemma Arteton, how this woman has achieved the success she has is totally beyond me. She is such a black hole of charisma that any semblance of sex appeal she may potentially have vanishes. So yeah, no props for acting in this film.
Just quickly, I should point out that throughout the film, Zeus is wearing a set of armour for no apparent reason other then he's Zeus and he can.....oh and it's REALLY shiny.
Which brings us to the much heralded special effects, admittedly they're pretty impressive, The Kraken inparticuarlar is really good and in 3D I can imagine it looking pretty spectacular, Medusa however is a bit of a let down and would have perhaps benefited from motion capture rather then an entirely computer generated design. Sadly, as impressive as some of the effects are, they are made redundant by the clumsy direction of the action sequences that showcase them. The sequence in which Perseus and company are ambushed by giant scorpions is so badly handled that it becomes hard to tell one character from another and with action sequences occurring so frequently the film never gains any momentum and never rises above being a mundane bore. On a positive note, the CGI enhanced locations and sets do look impressive and there are some lovely aerial shots of the ancient city of Argos. The ancient city of Currys is less impressive.
GET IT!
Still, Ancient Greece has never looked nicer. I presume it's Ancient Greece, I was a little confused at first because I had no idea that Greece was inhabited by everyone but Greeks themselves. Seriously, in the first five minutes we have been introduced to an Irish God, his evil English sibling, a disgruntled fisherman from Yorkshire and his adopted son who speaks with an AUSTRALIAN dialect. Seriously, I have no idea what was going on with the accents in this film, and I certainly had no idea Ancient Greece was such a multi cultural paradise.
And then there's the ridiculous and convoluted plot. Rather then going into meticulous detail, all I'll say is that the gods might have saved themselves a lot of trouble if they'd just handled their business themselves as oppose to getting other people to do their work for them, oh well, I guess standing around on a mountain all day is a lot harder then you think. Oh and one more thing. There are simpler ways to get people to worship you then staging an Apocalypse suggested to you by your banished, overly sinister and more than likely vengeful sibling.
All in all then this was a colossal failure. Adults will be so insulted by the ridiculous nature of the plot and onslaught of tedious action sequences and although this may not bother younger children the violence and gore certainly will.
Conclusion.
A badly directed, poorly acted debacle with too few visual treats to sustain its running time.
Pretentious star rating
*1/2 (All for Neeson's beard) out of *****
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