We few, we happy few!

I must say that writing in this blog is never as simple as I hope it to be when I start out, take for example my post from 2 weeks ago, originally intended to be a quick and juvenile look at Friday the 13th and it ends up becoming a fucking obituary....which nobody will read.

Still! Today's update will be short and sweet!

Maybe.

As those of you who read this (I.E. Me) know I am at University at the moment and after 2 long years of spending government money and being resented by tax payers & working folk nationwide, I am finally reaching the end of my journey.

You see, I've been in education now for nearly 20 years and although it's been a bumpy ride, it's been a ride I've for the most part enjoyed and I will be sad to finally get off. In doing so I will take my final step out of adolescence and into adulthood, and by step i mean told politely to get off and never return.

I always intended my stint at University to be my rights of passage to adulthood, had I made the trip at 18 with the rest of my hoody wearing, fringe growing, wrist slitting brethren from college I feel the experience would have been wasted. Truth be told, I had no idea what I wanted to do until I was 19 and had already been through college and had settled on a career path, alas a life of managing T.K. Maxx was not for me.

Contrary to what many people may think, I do not fit into that student stereotype of no good, money wasting layabout. No, University has been exactly what I set it out to be. When I started my course 2 years ago I had already built up some life experience, I'd experienced love for the first time, I'd learnt first hand the perils of over indulging in alcohol , I'd spent the entirety of my adolescence working and I was steadily leaving my teenage angst's behind. In other words, I was maturing.

Of course this was both a blessing and a curse, by the time I entered University stealing traffic cones, dressing up ironically & generally acting like a tit was something I had little time for and for around 80% of the student population the bloom was not yet off the rose. Still, this is not to say I didn't join in now and then and just because I said I was maturing, this doesn't mean I had matured.

The first year brought about it's fair share of hangovers, heartbreak & unwelcome stomach fat and a summer holiday of even more unwelcome home truths. The biggest of all being that I was no longer a child and although I relished my independence, I couldn't just revert back to my old ways when the bank was empty.

Money is something we all take for granted and when most people have it, they
can't spend it fast enough. Sure you could survive on a 30 pounds a month shopping budget, but when you've got over 1000 pounds in the bank why spend £1 on a pizza when you can spend 5 and boy oh boy won't you look sophisticated drinking this whisky, when everyone else will be getting the same effect from drinking beer. Point being, I've had more then enough first hand experience and observations of money wasting to know that I cannot afford to be so careless with it in the future. Still, I think swigging out of a bottle of Famous Grouse at a house party is pretty sexy, my many nights of sleeping alone will attest to that.

And then came the second year, the year when the partying takes a backseat (For the most part) to hard work, headaches and the inevitable disintegration of household relations.


They say that you don't know somebody until you live with them and this is something every second year student will eventually attest to. The year may start off with more ass kissing then a night at the Academy Awards, but after the honeymoon period is over (About 2 weeks) those 'friends forever' will quickly become the target of venomous tirades once your milk starts being 'borrowed' and those dishes start to pile up and just remember, it's never your fault, not at all, not even a little bit.

My biggest gripe with second year came mostly from observing my fellow students. You see, Film Studies is not exactly a subject that demands to be taken seriously. After all, don't we 'just sit around and watch films all day'. Well, no. Not at all, but that is the general consencus. Despite the hard work of the majority, there will alwyas be those who give the degree and on a grander scale, students, a bad name.


When I was growing up I always looked at University as the pinnacle of education, a home for the academic elite. It seems somewhere down the line standards slipped and any Wayne & Waynetta can now earn themselves a degree. This is a hard pill to swallow for me, not because I'm so great at what I do, but because I worked hard to get here and because I actually give a shit about the subject. An even harder one to swallow is that most students who earn a degree rarely go on to a career in that field, any teacher bitter at their own career (I.E. All of them) will keenly divulge that information to you.




The future's bright for the Portsmouth 2011 Film Studies graduates

But I knew all this going in and I went all the same. When all is said and done I'll have a degree and I'll find out first hand whether or not I can make it in that dog eat dog world of...um film critique. But at the risk of sounding like University has been miserable let me say that the good has far outweighed the bad. I've had experiences here that I'll remember for my entire life. Despite some hiccups along the way University has been what I always wanted it to be a few final years of memories that I can treasure, learn from and drunkenly lament when I'm old and bitter (more so).My last big learning curve when it comes to life experience. It has been and continues to be my rights of passage to adulthood and when its over I'll finally ready to enter the world of 9 to 5 or 9 to 10:30 should I end up on the doll.

At the risk of sentimentality....na fuck it, this is sentimental, it's been a hell of a ride and the best thing is, it's not over yet, with any luck this year will turn out to be the best of all and so, should any of my friends at uni be reading this let me say to you & my long suffering liver, Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!

Hollmmmmeeesss!

I just watched Sherlock Holmes for the second time and guess what, I loved it. However, reviewing would require some semblence of effort and I'm too tired. I will say that although the film benefits from a terrific screenplay and some inspired action sequences, it is the two leads who steal the show, Law & Downey Jr have fantastic chemistry and watching those 2 on screen is joyous. The CGI was a bit naff in places and the speed at which the narrative plays out may put off some people, but aside from that, it's a great film and a perfectly acceptable way to spend 2 hours of your life.

Your star rating is ****1/4 (Just to make it all that more pretentious)

Friday the 13th.

No, no film review this time, just a quick rant (that was the original intention) about my miserable day

Aside from a series of bad slasher films, one associates Friday the 13th with bad luck, a day where an individual will be inexplicably cursed with misfortune and perhaps even disaster. Usually I'd dismiss this as superstitious rubbish, however for once the negativity is perhaps justified as I have had one of the worst days in quite some time.

For me personally, the day started off on a dull note as Weston was once again a victim of the stereotypical English Summer, showers of rain, in between fleeting bursts of sunshine. Wonderful. As the day progressed, I was the recipient of bad news (Nothing too serious and I'm against airing personal problems in public so I will not disclose the details.) and minor inconveniences that culminated with me being LATE FOR WORK. Unacceptable. Then, I started coming down with a cold and as any grown man will know, this calls for round the clock attention from your significant other and since she's not around I have to suffer....alone. Unacceptable.

And to top it all off, there will be no airing of Friday the 13th this evening.

'Joking' aside the day became truly tragic as the wrestling world suffered yet another loss.



Former WWE wrestler Lance/Garrisson Cade (Real name Lance McNaught) died today, apparently of heart failure.

I'd be lying if I said I was a fan of Lance, although he was a decent worker and had an entertaining feud with The Hardyz with tag team partner Trevor Murdoch I never found his ring work or personality particularly compelling and despite WWE's best efforts neither did the majority of their audience. However, despite this WWE continued to push him on television (Wrestling carny for building a star and featuring him heavily on their programming), unfortunately young Lance's career was derailed when he was found intoxicated and seizuring aboard a plane and was subsequently let go. As lead announcer and former head of talent relations JR put it 'he made a major league mistake whilst utilizing bad judgement'. Indeed.

You see, wrestling has always been riddled with all kinds of substance abuse, whether it be steroids, alcohol or recreational drug use. Although steroids have no doubt always been prominent in the sport and I am not educated in the area enough to say for certain,I'd go out on a lim and say that substance abuse really became a problem in the eighties and early nineties when wrestling was at it's peak and the wrestlers themselves lived the so called rock and roll lifestyle.Aside from recreational drug abuse, the physical nature of the business leads a lot of wrestlers to take prescription medication (Usually painkillers of some sort) which often leads to addiction, at the time of writing it seems that it was an addiction of this nature that cost young Lance Cade his life.


Over the years the major league promotions (Primarily WWE) made various attempts to put a stop to this kind of behaviour and in 2005 after the tragic death of Eddie Guerrero WWE instituted a Wellness policy to try and deter tragedies like this from happening again, wrestlers noticeably decreased in size and wrestlers who showed up in 'no condition to perform' were sent home on suspensions. However, after the media coverage died down and the heartache of those involved began to subside it went back to business as usual. All this would change just 2 years later.

In the summer of 2007 beloved wrestler Chris Benoit snapped and killed his wife, son and later himself. As well as being severely brain damaged from 20 + years of physicality and careless shots to the head, Benoit was also in possession of large quantities of steroids. The event has forever left a black mark on the sport and the immediate PR nightmare that followed forced WWE to try and clean up it's act, reinforcing its inconsistent wellness policy in an attempt to control any substance abuse by those under employment. As well as the wellness policy, WWE also reached out to any ex employees and offered to pay for them to enter rehab, more than likley in an attempt to repair its public image.

Although it was arguably the severe brain damage Benoit was suffering from that caused him to commit such an unspeakable act, the media circus that followed his death pointed the finger solely at substance abuse, specifically steroids. As a result WWE apparently no longer turns a blind eye and those who violate it are punished. Although the policy usually includes a 3 strikes and you're out rule, Cade was released almost immediately afterwards, no doubt because of the public nature of his offense and despite entering rehab, it seems that Cade never was able to overcome his addictions.

Having followed wrestling now for ten years, I have seen many wrestlers die young, some of whom I have been great fans of and it's always hard to take. Whether a wrestler is working the WWE road schedule or small venues for dirt money, those bumps and bruises take their toll and it's no wonder that some individuals are unable to avoid these traps.

It would be unfair to place the blame on WWE, they are cleaning up their act and they did offer a chance at rehabilitation once they released him, but as someone said to me today, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force them to drink.

Lance was only 29 years old and is survived by his wife, two daughters and stepson.

'Unleash the Kraken!'

One of these days i'll write a review for a film I do actually like, perhaps even love. I actually find it easier and a lot less stressful to write a review for film's I dislike, perhaps this is a trend amongst film critics or perhaps it's because I am so frequently filled with hate and bitterness towards the world. Maybe.

Blockbusters are usually the easiest films to criticise, often vehicles for special effects and spectacular set pieces at the expense of a coherent narrative & scripting. The recent focus on 3D and the influx of films being produced specifically for the format has only exacerbated the problem. Still. I approached Clash of the Titans with an open mind, I mean, who doesn't like Greek mythology? Tales of good vs evil in fantastical ancient lands filled with beautiful women, gods and monsters and the stories often have a moral at there centre. Perfect material for a Hollywood blockbuster then. Obviously, I wasn't expecting a five star classic, but I was eagerly anticipating some throwaway fun, surely it could at least deliver that much.

Well. No.


First of all, a quick synopsis.

In Ancient Greece, a baby boy is found abandoned at sea and is taken in by a fisherman and his family and named Perseus. 12 years on and the people of Greece are revolting against the gods, as faith in the gods diminishes, so to does the power the gods posses. Enter Hades, who proposes a solution, however unbeknown st to the rest of the gods he has his own sinister agenda, as his plan will see Zeus fall and leave the world in chaos. When Hades actions cause the death of his foster family, Perseus sets out to seek vengeance, along the way learning that he is in fact the orphaned son of Zeus.

Got all that?

Well, first then it's important to mention that the aforementioned substitution of quality acting & narrative for aesthetic spectacle is in full effect here. If you can in fact call it such, the narrative is so clumsy you'd think Frank Spencer had a screenwriting credit. The first half of the film zips along at an insane speed, which is not a good thing, especially in the hands of such an apparently inept director. Characters appear and disappear so frequently that it's impossible to keep track and even if you could, you wouldn't want to as every character has apparently been lifted from an old dusty book of action cliche's. This is frankly, not a good thing. Take for example, the 'comedy' duo who accompany Perseus on his quest. Sure, the comedy sidekicks are a staple of the genre, but in say Star Wars there was a reason for 3P0 & R2 to actually be there, it's not as if Luke brought them along for their banter, especially as one of them can't even f*****g speak. Point is, there are plenty of characters here who serve no purpose whatsoever except to meet the expectations of the genre. Which they don't. Why even bother?

In fact the only character you could possibly care about is Perseus and that's not only because his character receives the most screen time, in now way is his character remotely interesting. In fact Perseus's foster family are on screen for such a small amount of time (5 minutes) that you won't care in the slightest and certainly won't care about his quest for justice. Of course, even the dullest character on paper can be brought to life by the right actor on screen, having done this twice (With Avatar & T4) I thought Sam Worthington would go 3 for 3 here. Unfortunately he only displays flashes of the charisma he demonstraedin his earlier efforts and spends most of the film stoic faced and delivering his lines with all the enthusiasm of an M.E sufferer giving a eulogy.

Any hope that veterans Liam Neeson and Ralph fiennes would deliver in the acting department were also quickly crushed in short order. If you have read my earlier post regarding Woody Harrelson, you may be familiar with my theory that A-List actors will often jump aboard vehicles like this for a big paycheck and an excuse to dress up and perform in any manner they choose. A chance to slum it for big money. Where as up and coming stars or those whose star has fallen must do as they're told and be happy for the work, or in the latters case, put on a brave face and then shed a tear whilst nobody's looking. In the case of Fiennes, it's a chance to perfect his Voldermort voice and experience the sensation of long locks of hair for the first time. Neeson just phones it in, delivering minimal dialogue and seems to have got the role on account of being really tall and that he can pull off a beard better than anyone.

And then there's Gemma Arteton, how this woman has achieved the success she has is totally beyond me. She is such a black hole of charisma that any semblance of sex appeal she may potentially have vanishes. So yeah, no props for acting in this film.




Just quickly, I should point out that throughout the film, Zeus is wearing a set of armour for no apparent reason other then he's Zeus and he can.....oh and it's REALLY shiny.

Which brings us to the much heralded special effects, admittedly they're pretty impressive, The Kraken inparticuarlar is really good and in 3D I can imagine it looking pretty spectacular, Medusa however is a bit of a let down and would have perhaps benefited from motion capture rather then an entirely computer generated design. Sadly, as impressive as some of the effects are, they are made redundant by the clumsy direction of the action sequences that showcase them. The sequence in which Perseus and company are ambushed by giant scorpions is so badly handled that it becomes hard to tell one character from another and with action sequences occurring so frequently the film never gains any momentum and never rises above being a mundane bore. On a positive note, the CGI enhanced locations and sets do look impressive and there are some lovely aerial shots of the ancient city of Argos. The ancient city of Currys is less impressive.


GET IT!


Still, Ancient Greece has never looked nicer. I presume it's Ancient Greece, I was a little confused at first because I had no idea that Greece was inhabited by everyone but Greeks themselves. Seriously, in the first five minutes we have been introduced to an Irish God, his evil English sibling, a disgruntled fisherman from Yorkshire and his adopted son who speaks with an AUSTRALIAN dialect. Seriously, I have no idea what was going on with the accents in this film, and I certainly had no idea Ancient Greece was such a multi cultural paradise.

And then there's the ridiculous and convoluted plot. Rather then going into meticulous detail, all I'll say is that the gods might have saved themselves a lot of trouble if they'd just handled their business themselves as oppose to getting other people to do their work for them, oh well, I guess standing around on a mountain all day is a lot harder then you think. Oh and one more thing. There are simpler ways to get people to worship you then staging an Apocalypse suggested to you by your banished, overly sinister and more than likely vengeful sibling.

All in all then this was a colossal failure. Adults will be so insulted by the ridiculous nature of the plot and onslaught of tedious action sequences and although this may not bother younger children the violence and gore certainly will.

Conclusion.

A badly directed, poorly acted debacle with too few visual treats to sustain its running time.

Pretentious star rating

*1/2 (All for Neeson's beard) out of *****

Casting Woody Harrelson

The following is a transcript of the meeting between 2012 director Roland Emmerich and actor Woody Harrelson.

*Emmmerich is in his office, Woody Harrelson is sat opposite him*

Emerich: Hey Woody did you read my script for 2012?

Harrelson: I did.

Emerich: Well what do ya think?

Harrelson: Well....it's pretty much every disaster film ever made, only you know cheesier.

Emmerich: So you wouldn't want to be in it?

Harrelson: Sorry.

Emmerich: Not even for the right sum.

Harrelson: I don't need money.

Emmerich: What if I gave you the lead role. You're this struggling writer....

Harrelson: Yes I read the script, look I've gotta go.

Emmerich: Sure he's unreliable, but his hearts in the right place. His wife may be about to divorce him and his kid think his camping trips are lame, but when he saves them from the apocalypse they'll start to realise he's not so bad after all.

Harrelson: I'll see you later.

*Woody goes to leave*


Emmerich: WAIT! What if I write this character, he's strange, a real whack job.

*Woody stops and turns*

Harrelson: I'm listening.

Emmerich: He's real eccentric, a paranoid pot head, every stereotype Woodstock throwback you've ever seen

*Woody becomes wide eyed*

Harrelson: Now you're talking!

Emmerich: So you'll do it?

Harrelson: There are some conditions?

Emerich: Oh?

Harrelson: Can I play him so eccentric and offbeat,that he borderlines on creepy, you know, just like all my characters?

Emmerich: I guess.....Anything else?

Harrelson:Can I bring my own wig?

Emmerich: Sure?

Harrelson: Pay dirt!

*Harrelson leaves, giddy and grinning from ear to ear thinking of the possibilities*

*Emmerich's secretary enters the room*

Secretary: So did he take the job

Emmerich: Well, sort of, we still need a leading man.

Secretary: Well, no offense Roland, no high profile actors are going to take this role.

Emmerich: And whys that?

Secretary: Well because they're inevitably going to take a back seat to your special effects...*The secretary looks at the script...and these characters....they're so cardboard and cliche, no self respecting actor will take this?!

Emmerich: Dammit, you're right. We need someone with at least a little star power, someone who's stars fallen in recent years someone who has no choice but to take these roles.

*Emmerich stops and looks around the room, deep in thought, until he sees a pile of old movie promotional posters in the corner of the room, suddenly his eyes glimmer*






Emmerich: Get me John Cusack!

Wrestling with mania or how I nearly avoided but inevitably ended up with a pretentious title!

I've been looking for something to write about for some time, hence the long hiatus. I wanted to write about something I feel passionate about and that something on this instance is pro wrestling. Quite honestly this subject is a sensitive one for me as it is something I seldom talk about unless I am amongst my closest friends and even then I end up joking about the industry's often ludicrous nature.

Case in point




Believe it or not I actually embrace this side of wrestling, a great deal of its appeal, for me at least, is that it is at times so ridiculous and borderline farcical that you can't help but sit back and laugh at it. But for as much as I enjoy laughing at the ott nature of the business, this is not the sole reason I am so fascinated by it. You see, I love pro wrestling specifically American Pro Wrestling.

Socially this is a potentially fatal statement, perhaps on par with coming out and admitting to being a homosexual sure your friends are still your friends but they would rather avoid the subject and your father will never look at you the same way again. Well, perhaps its not that bad, but it's something that is best left out of everyday conversations.

You see being a wrestling fan has only been acceptable twice in the last 25 years. The first was from the mid eighties to early nineties. A time when Hulk Hogan was not just an a tragic caricature (Imagine that) but the upholder of truth and justice, a time when saying your prayers and taking your vitamins did not have any suspicious connotations. The second time came around in the late nineties when wrestling transitioned from family orientated entertainment into a raunchier, sleazier product, a time that saw the rise of stars such Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock. This is arguably when when wrestling was at its hottest, a time when a child could wear a HHH 'The game' t-shirt and not fear a vicious Grange Hill style bullying.

Sadly,in mid 2001 the wrestling bubble burst yet again for reasons that I am frankly not qualified and too lazy to go into. Conveniently, it was around this time when I started watching. That Summer my younger brother had borrowed a copy of Summerslam 2001 and by chance I had nothing to do so I watched it with him. I watched a match between the recently turned heel (Wrestling carny for bad guy) face off against Kurt Angle for the heavyweight title. For nearly 30 minutes Austin relentlessly beat on Angle, bloodying him and hitting him with every move in his arsenal only for Angle to keep fighting back valiantly. The match ended when a desperate Austin attacked the referee to keep his title (A champion cannot lose unless he is pinned or made to submit)as Angle finally stood up having been robbed of the title that was surely his, lead announcer Jim Ross protested angrily and assured the audience this feud was not over. This was the point I became hooked.

Even back then I knew wrestling was fake, that the punches weren't connecting and that Kurt Angle had not really had his head slammed into a steel ring post ten times only to get back up (albeit bleeding profusely). Still, I was drawn in, by the physicality being displayed, the reaction of the crowd and the story being told in the ring and when it was all said and done, I wanted to see more. It's now 2010 and I'm as big a fan as I've ever been.

It's hard to sum up why I enjoy wrestling to the extent i do and perhaps my views are jaded somewhat by my fascination with the inside nature of the business. Over the years I read various wrestling insider websites and documentaries have developed a mild understanding as to how the business works, such as how matches are put together, insider terms and the business decisions and thought processes behind them. I use the term mild, because even after my 9 years as a fan and spending as much time as I do, reading up on the insides of the wrestling. It is an industry so complicated and with a history that so vast and racked with politics, scandals and just general wackiness that I don't think I could ever hope cover it all unless I became a wrestling historian. As it stands I am happy with it being an everyday past time. My love clearly does have its boundaries.

A lot of non fans will often talk about Darren Aronofsky's film The Wrestler, how it made them respect wrestlers and what they do for a living, and although The Wrestler did well to make light of the hardships that a wrestler can face in his career, it really doesn't even begin to cover just how much dedication and skill it takes to become a successful pro wrestler. Being a wrestler is a lot more then just being a big man who can throw another guy around, it takes timing and psychology to become a good wrestler. Developing Psychology is perhaps the most interesting part of becoming a wrestler and often sets apart a good and a bad match. Among other things, it also takes a special type of charisma and showmanship to connect with a live audience and those watching at home. Some of the most charismatic personalities and watchable characters I have been created in wrestling, this may seem like a bold statement but it is true. One need only look at The Rock whose natural charisma was such that he outgrew the business and went on to a successful movie career appearing in hit films such as The Scorpion King and...um The Tooth Fairy.



Something The Wrestler also didn't go into is just how fun the sport can be (I'm calling it a sport for now, I'll come to that shortly), at the very least wrestling to me can be escapist fun, like a soap opera but more fun and twice as ridiculous. Take this for example



WWE inparticualr is perhaps so charming because it's one of the last elements of society to not be hit by the hammer of political correctness, of course this isn't always something to be proud of, but at the very least you can just sit back and laugh at how unashamed they are of it.



Representing all of Africa comes Zulu tribesman turned pro wrestling superstar Saba Simba

At it's best however, when the stories are serious and coherent and the matches that follow are executed properly it can be as rewarding as any movie and like any good film a wrestling match can get an emotional reaction out of you whether it's anger, laughter and sometimes it is oddly moving. The matches themselves are also exhibitions of some of the finest athletic ability you will see anywhere.



Shawn Michaels moonsaults onto a prone Ric Flair at Wrestlemania 24

One of the things Aranofskys film did do, albeit to an uncomfortable degree, was highlight the physical nature of professional wrestling. Now, some people will scoff at the idea of wrestling as a sport and yes it's true wrestling is fake, WWE even acknowledge it somewhat by referring to themselves as sports entertainment. Every move is designed to look painful when in fact they are executed as safely as possible and the matches are pre determined. However, to call wrestling fake is grossly unfair, scripted is perhaps a fairer term. In fact for a so called fake sport there is a tremendous amount of physicality involved and something as basic as falling back first onto the mat takes a physical toll. It is also worth mentioning that a wrestlers safety is also affected by the other man in the ring with him, should one of the participants in a match slip or make a mistake the consequences could be dire.

This is not to say that I regard wrestling as being above other forms of athletic competition, I understand that wrestling is indeed fake whereas boxing and the increasingly popular sport of mixed martial arts are real physical contact bloodsports and that along with sports such as rugby, football and tennis these are real competitions decided by who are the better compettiors and not pre determined, It has however, always upset me how the men involved in these sports earn our respect and admiration and yet no matter how many years of dedication and sacrifice it takes to perfect the craft of professional wrestling, they are still treated as the red headed stepsons of the sporting world.

One of the things that I appreciate when it comes to wrestling, or more specifically WWE, has little to with wrestling at all but. The production values in WWE are second to none, whether it's the video packages produced to promote an upcoming event or a wrestlers highlight reel, these are some of the most effective and technically sound state of the art videos you will see anywhere. Then of course there are the sets (The ring area and wrestler entrance way) which are always fantastic especially at the Wrestlemania events which is WWE's biggest show of the year. As far as spectacle I'd say you'd be hard pushed to find anyone who does it better than WWE.



An aerial view of the Phoenix stadium at the conclusion of Wrestlemania 26



Randy Orton makes his way to the ring at Wrestlemania 26

This is not to say wrestling is perfect, there have been moments that have been so truly tasteless and intelligence insulting that I have been embarrassed to be fan. But the way I see it, every TV show, sport or form of entertainment has these moments, anyone who watched England play in The World Cup this year or watches Eastenders on a regular basis would know this feeling quite well.

This entry is not intended to convert any new believers, merely to sum up my thoughts on an industry that not everyone will understand or be willing to appreciate. I suppose it's an acquired taste. I don't know if I'll ever lose the wrestling bug, it's something I've thought about, even wished for at times. The truth is, over the years my love for it has grown even more and I've developed a respect for it.But, Who knows, in five years I may be writing about MMA and how it's so much better then that 'stupid wrestling thing I used to like'. But for now I'm a fan and unashamed to be so.



For the most part.

The ever so exciting week in review.

This week has been a lazy one.

I really haven't done an awful lot, simply lying around with my significant other (at the time of writing) watching various films I wouldn't usually be caught dead watching. Mean Girls, Marley & Me & The Notebook were all watched this week and all of them were my choice. You see under normal circumstances I would denounce all these films without second thought, however when one is trying to encourage a little romance Blade Runner & Chinatown probably aren't the best choices. But hey if incestual rape, corporate greed & facial mutilation don't put you in a romantic frame of mind, I don't know what will.

Alarmingly I enjoyed these films, Mean Girls was good fun if totally predictable and Marley & Me was.....tolerable. If you love animals like I do you cut films with loveable animals as one of the leads a little slack. Sure it was really long and cheesy to the point the TV was starting to smell but, but hey that dog sure was disobedient. Oh and Alan Arkin was doing his familiar grumpy deadpan shtick as Owen Wilson's boss and that's always good value.

The Notebook on the other hand was all slush and no puppy (HA, that's so bad I can't possibly delete it). Even I have my limits and after half an hour the film was removed from the DVD drive and hopefully put away never to be seen again.


Finally. I got a chance to watch BBC's Gavin & Stacy which was fantastic. Great writing, loveable characters and just the right mixture of comedy & drama. I can only hope the next 2 series are as good as this one and maybe I'll start to appretiate James Corden


Maybe Not

The great discovery.

After years and years of looking for a film that truly deserves the title of best bad film ever made, I think, I have finally found it.



You see there is nothing I enjoy more then a bad movie, a few drinks, a couple of mates and some genuninly bad cinema are often the ingredients for a good night in. However it cannot be just any bad movie, you see for me to find a bad movie entertaining, those involved have to be taking the proceedings seriously. Films that aknowledge their own shortcomings and are played for laughs more often then not come across as annoying, take for example Snakes on a Plane or Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus.

This is why 'The Room' is such a triumph. I cannot discuss it any great length now but all I'll say is that it's truly the greatest bad movie I've ever seen.It's even better then Hercules In New York and that film had Arnie fighting a guy in a bear suit.

Wasted oppotunity.

I'm currently typing up a website for my 'Third World & Transnational Cinema' unit. One of the films I was referencing is the 2005 film crash, when typing up a brief description of the characters within the film I ended up with this.


Although this was a US production, the film text itself has elements to it that would suggest it is a transnational picture. Among the characters are an Iranian family, two African American youths from the Ghetto, An African American director & his mulatto girlfriend, a latin American locksmith, a chinese couple and a bunch of pissed off white people.


I really was fond of that last line, its a shame that its not considered academic enough because I think it's a suitable description. Oh well.

The tragic fate of The Phantom Menace

For a lot of us Star Wars was a big part of our childhood, I can safetly say it was a big part of mine. My first experience with Star Wars came when I was about 8 years old when I stumbled across a scene from what I would later discover to be Empire Stirkes Back, for whatever reason it was in spanish. My mother quickly found an old, English VHS tape for me to sit down and watch and thus, it began. I remember being mesmerized the first time I saw the AT-AT's on the ice plant of Hoth and being absolutely terrified watching Vader pursue Luke accross Cloud City. Admittedly, the famous 'I am your father' line had little effect on me because I had not yet watched A New Hope, it didn't matter though, I was gripped.

For years I thought Han Solo was the coolest character I'd ever seen (especially when he shot Greedo in the cantine), collected as much merchandise as possible and watched each film at least 20 times. So when the news that Lucas would begin filming his prequels I, like everyone else, waited eagerly for what would surely be the cinematic event of our lifetime.

Assuming that people actually read this I think everyone knows what happened.




Isn't he cute

The point of this post is not to lambast the film and really what more can be said . Yes Jar Jar is a prick, with all the charm of a rabid poodle.Yes Jake Lloyd, who was no doubt on the receiving end of many toilet bowl dunkings and lunch money beatings throughout his secondary school tenure, can get real irritating as Anakin. And Yes the dialogue is pretty bad. But is it really that bad of a film?

Up until today I would have happily said yes but this afternoon I watched it for the first time in years.


The plot is certainly the least convulted and easy to follow of the prequels, although Lucas would later try his hand at littering his films with dull & nonsensical political subtext, here the focus is mainly on the films characters and their own individual dillemas. Of course Lucas wrote the film and therefore some of the dialogue is flat out stupid(The less said about midi chlorians the better)but like its predeccessors the actors manage to rise above it.

You see the films cast quickly got tired of being mugged by thousands of light sabre wielding Kevin Smith's on a daily basis (Attack of the Clones!) and come episode 2 had lost almost all there passion, even before Episode 3 had hit the theatres Mcgregor and Portman were flat out denouncing the series. Watching episodes 2 & 3 it is easy to forget the level of talent of the films cast, both Portman & McGregor are great actors and in The Phantom Menace it is clear they actually give a damn about the project. The film's unsung hero though, is this man.



The man responsible for making ageing hippies feel better about themselves

Of all the characters introduced to the series through the prequels (And there are a LOT) Qui Gon stands high above the rest. You see, in the earlier films a great deal of time is spent discussing the Jedi's of old and out of all the jedi introduced in this film he's the only one who meets the criteria. You see unlike the other Jedi who sit around all day in their tower discussing midi chlorians, Qui Gon actually does stuff AND he's got a bit of a rebellious streak which makes him even more endearing. He's also a homewrecker, encouraging Anakin to risk his life for a bunch of strangers and then tearing him away from his mother. He also did himself no favours by saving Jar Jar Binks. Seriously though, Neeson is a fountain of charisma here and Lucas wisely centres the films action around him. I'd also like to breifly mention Pernilla August who actually delivers quite the heart breaking little performance as Anakins mother, Schmi.

And that's what supprised me so much about this film when I watched it. I cared. I actually cared about the characters (With a few obvious exceptions). There are some genuinley emotional moments here, most noteably the scene where Anakin and his mother part ways on Tatooine.It is the scenes with Anakin, Qui Gon & Schmi that give the film a real emotional weight, a trait absent from the later films.

One of the things I hated so much about said films is that they were clearly filmed in front of a green screen in a studio. Sure, the effects were fantastic at the time but really when you think about it these films were nothing but a bunch of demotivated actors stood around talking in front of a big screensaver. Here Lucas actually balances the use of models, CGI and real locations perfectly, as a result it's easier to immerse yourself in the world put forth on the screen.

I've been one of Lucas's biggest detractors over the years, however, to ignore his contributions to film making would be grossly unfair. If you ever get a chance to watch the making of documentary on the bonus disc you will find it not only exposes Lucas's ineptitude at directing actors ('Faster, more intense')but also as a technical visionary always looking for new ways to push the technological envelope. It should be noted that the technology used to bring Jar Jar to the screen is very similar (And possibly an earlier version) of the motion capture equipment used to bring Gollum to the screen. Ironically this films visual effects hold up the best of all the prequels, in fact it hasn't aged badly at all, from an aesthetic standpoint it's pretty damn flawless. The sound effects inparticualr are fantastic, especially during the pod racer sequence.

Whilst on the subject, I should mention that the set pieces in this film are absolutely fantastic, both the pod race and the Jedi duel are spectacular edge of your seat entertainment. The film as a whole is paced rather well, especially for a George Lucas film, but the third act inparticular is half hour of non stop excitment, even if you cannot abide Jar Jar Binks. Also, John Williams returned to compose a brand new score and it's certainly up there with his best work, the stand out obviously being the unforgettable Duel of the Fates composition.

What is sad is that a lot of people will tell you that this is where the magic died for them. Whilst it is true that the film never reaches the highs of the original trilogy, realistically it never could. There comes a point where expectations are so high for a film that there is no way it could ever possibly live up to it. It's for this reason that I found myself sympathising with young Jake Lloyd, someone so young being given a role like this was a huge undertaking and in his defence he's no worse then many other child actors I've seen, even if he is REALLY irritating.

Of course the film is far from perfect and there's plenty of things to moan about, i'll just list a few.

Jar Jar

'It's a standoff, lets go!'

'i'll try spinning that's a good trick!'

The droid controlships power core being located inside the hanger bay?!

Racial stereotyping - See Gunray, Nute

Unfiltered Lucas Dialogue

A really naff Yoda puppet



This Fucker!^

Although it is not a perfect film by any stretch it's certainly underserving of it's title as 'one of the worst films ever made', it's a film that was condemmed by it's own hype. Now, episode 2 on the other hand......

Oh, the pretentious star rating

***3/4/***** Yeah why not! (I had rated it at 4 stars, but Anakin's 'THIS IS TENSE' line admist the space battle annoyed me to no end)

A grand day out

Today started off like any other day, I got up and went to uni, went to the gym and returned home. Of course we're currently in barbeque season and I found myself invited to one. After said barbeque, me and my group of friends decided to head down to the penny arcades.




Ah, the penny arcades. An eclectic mix of elderly tourists, young children, angry youths and hopeless alcoholics. Oh and we were there as well. Anyways, we visited these arcades and I quickly found myself suckered in by the bright lights and really quite pointless penny falls.

These arcade attractions are designed to encourage gambling on weak minded folk and up until today I never thought to class myself as such. After wasting over 4 pounds on the big money penny falls, I quickly moved over to the claw crane.



Now, once again I should reitterate that I was fully aware that these machines are designed to fail and will only pay out after a certain amount of money has been paid in and keep people hooked by giving them the illusion that there skills will earn them a nice reward. After I started playing I found myself falling into this trap. Sure, losers before me would have fallen for this machines dirty tricks, but I, I had a method, unlike the losers before me my persistence would pay off. I didn't even want the prize, there was no girl to impress and I have no desire to hold onto cuddly toys. I needed to do this for me, for my pride. Well, no such luck, I was 5 pounds down and had fallen victim like so many before me prey to this cursed machine.

I then moved onto the ticket machines, where players can take part in games of 'skill' and be rewarded by prize tickets. Earn enough tickets and you can exchange them for 'neat' prizes. Only problem is, is that the good prizes are valued at around 20,000 tickets and for a 30p game you will earn somewhere between 3-5 tickets. Hindsight is 20/20 and only now can I see what a complete waste of time the whole experience was. I spent 6 pounds on these games and only earned 70 tickets, enough to earn a pack of playing cards AND.....a ping pong ball. Still, despite being a complete waste of time and money it was somehow entertaining.



Earn enough of these and you can buy that pencil sharpener you've always wanted, for ten times the amount you'd pay anywhere else!


Finally, we visited one of those seaside shops where you can buy all kinds of novelty tac, from inflateable crocodie floats to 'comedic' postcards. Again, common sense took a holiday as I was inticed to buy something from this shop, to buy something I wouldn't look twice at if I saw it elsewhere. Eventually I settled for a giant mug that said 'The Boss'. In my defense I wanted to buy a self depricating one that said 'TWAT' but alas it cost 50p more then the others so I settled with a mug that allows me to drink coffee and soothe my ego all at once.

Again, there is no real reason for this entry but hey if you read this I hope it was an enlightening experience. Also, BEWARE the claw crane, you'll never get the better of it!

The woes of being a Film Studies student

Anyone who knows me will probably tell you that I like to spend a lot of time in the gym and take great pride over my physique. Problem is, that my dieting (Or lack of) is such, that all the time I spend in the gym means little in the long run and as a result tend to look exactly the same as when I started going 3 years ago. With this being said, I've actually managed to get into good shape recently, managing both my diet and putting extra effort into my gym sessions. However, with the recent influx of student loans I've been drinking like Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas and as a result the guts come creeping back.






So, last night I decided to have a film night with my friends (Yeah, It surprises me too sometimes), specifically a horror film night. Now I love Film Studies and it will hopefully give me the education I need to make it in the film buisness in later life, but MY GOD, does it make the casual film going experience a pain in the ass and boy does it ever make you unpopular with those around you as you sit there dissecting their favorite films. Take for example the time my mother and little brother decided to watch Transformers. Even though I was playing Halo 3 on a neighboring TV, I felt it was my duty to lean over and explain to them what a wretched film it was that they were watching. Even though my little brother was blatantly ignoring me as I ranted about how the camera inexplicably wouldn't stop moving and even though my mother had abandoned the living room when I started to complain about how there were far too many characters and the dialogue was stupid, I was satisfied. I was doing them a service.

Anyways

It was decided, against my will, that we should watch this piece of shit.




Here is the synopsis for the film. Taken from bloody-disgusting.com

Ten years ago, a tragedy changed the town of Harmony forever. Tom Hanniger, an inexperienced coal miner, caused an accident in the tunnels that trapped and killed five men and sent the only survivor, Harry Warden, into a permanent coma. But Harry Warden wanted revenge. Exactly one year later, on Valentine's Day, he woke up...and brutally murdered twenty-two people with a pickaxe before being killed.

Ten years later, Tom Hanniger returns to Harmony on Valentine's Day, still haunted by the deaths he caused. Struggling to make amends with his past, he grapples with unresolved feelings for his ex-girlfriend, Sarah, who is now married to his best friend, Axel, the town sheriff. But tonight, after years of peace, something from Harmony's dark past has returned. Wearing a miner's mask and armed with a pickaxe, an unstoppable killer is on the loose. And as his footsteps come ever closer, Tom, Sarah and Axel realize in terror that it just might be Harry Warden who's come back to claim them...


No points for originality, still I decided to give it a fair shot and by fair I mean keeping my mouth shut for as long as possible.

I lasted 5 minutes.

Truth be told, it wasn't until Jensen Ackles started 'acting' that I found myself biting my tongue, sure the film was already 500 different kinds of stupid but I could take it. But then he kept talking and 'emoting' and it became harder and harder to restrain myself. The opening sequence stupidity was starting to eat away at me, why were these people partying down a mine? Why were the film producers checking off every horror cli shay as fast as possible? Why was I watching this film? The words were coming, I couldn't hold them in any longer. The room had to know my opinion of this film, I was being pushed over the edge. Then the words came forth 'This film is fucking shit'. I felt better for it, but the relief would only be tempoary. There were still 90 minutes left!


And what a 90 minutes they were, Ackles moved his eyes into different positions to suggest a change of emotion, characters inexplicably looked exactly the same ten years on from the scene at the start of the film and people died in ridiculous fashion. I was in luck however, the group of people I was watching it with shared my emotion and did not take offense to my random outbursts. Next time I may not be so lucky.

My day!

Yep, can't be bothered to write a review today and it's not like anyone reads this damn thing anyway so I'm just going to write about my day.

So. Because I wish to stay here in sunny, um, Portsmouth, I've decided to get myself a summer job. The alternative is I sit at home for 3 months in Weston-Super-Mare begging my parents for money and this can't happen. Thus, drastic times call for drastic measures and I have been forced to take a job.....here.



Upon arriving hilarity ensued as I was sat down and told that I had shown up 2 hours early to the wrong Burger King. The girl who informed me of this was about a foot shorter than me which made me feel extra stupid.

On the way home I saw a crazy looking old man accross the street, I'm sure he was perfectly nice man, he was just dressed rather odd. There seems to be at least one of these men in every town I've been to, they wear anoraks or long tweed coats with a novelty hat and often have a small mane of hair that comes down to their shoulders, like they showed up to a Doctor Who audition in the seventies, got rejected and then, in an act of denial, never changed their clothes.

They look a little like Kim Newman of Sight & Sound & Empire magazine fame.






I don't feel so self consious about wearing a flat cap anymore.

Where have I been?

Yes, for the benefit of all/2 of my loyal fans I thought I'd give a quick status update. The reason for the lack of posts this month is due to a cocktail of University work & laziness, however I am in the process of writing something on The Black Eyed Peas so you all have that to look forward to.

In the mean time here are some random thoughts.

Mountain Dew.

For weeks now my friend here at University has been drinking this stuff, even when he had no money he would somehow always be able to purchase a can of this stuff.
to hear him talk about this stuff, you'd think Christ himself was brewing it. Ugh.So anyway I bought a can for no less then 80P! and it was just Sprite, albeit more sickly.


Don't you dare try and steal this mans Mountain Dew

This. This ruined my day and inspired me to start blogging again. So for all my detractors out there. Blame Mountain Dew.

Gorillaz

Like all Gorrilaz songs, Stylo starts getting old after the third time you hear it. With that said Bruce Willis is in the music video and despite being 50 years old he's still super cool.






I literally have no idea what was going on in this video and I have no interest in reading up on the Gorillaz storyline. Besides I find Youtube trolls arguing about it far too entertaining and don't want to run the risk of becoming one of them. All I know is Bruce Willis smirks a lot and it's great.

Wrestlemania XXVI

It was terrific from start to finish.



Wrestling is not gay!


Anyways. Hope this tides you all over for the time being. PEACE!

Playing Oblivion

Oblivion: The Elder Scrolls

Because I know little to nothing about game mechanics and I haven't yet completed the game, this will be more of a summary then a review but hey, it'll be tremendous fun won't it. You bet!

Well, probably not.

The game is set in the fictional world of Cyrodiil, consisting of about a dozen small towns separated by a vast countryside. As well as the towns many shops and houses which you can access at will. The countryside hubworld also has plenty of caves and old buildings to explore in which the players curiosity will often be rewarded with bonus items and hidden treasures. It would take at least 6 hours of playtime just to identify all the landmarks on the map and who knows how many more to explore them in full. It all looks lovely too,for a game released 4 years ago the games graphics haven't aged badly at all.

Aside from the first hour of playtime in which it is compulsory to play through the opening to the games main quest line, the player is free to do whatever they want from then on. Whether they want to join the various guilds, run menial errands for the townsfolk or simply explore Cyrodiil, is left entirely up to the players discretion. I've personally put in about 15 hours of playtime and I've barely touched the main quest line.

The game also boasts a levelling up system. How the players character levels up depends on which of the ten species he chose to play as at the start of the game. For example. If the player chooses the Imperial, his character will level up based on your use of combat and speechcraft whereas if they pick a Wood Elf, the levelling up would depend on your use of your bow and magic. The player can also customize their character, from their gender to the size of their head there is a wealth of customization options on offer. Unfortunately this means the player will be forced to fight the temptation of making their character look like a character from Tod Browning's Freaks rather then the saviour of a civilization.

Case in point.

And that's pretty tame

The combat is also incredibly varied and although the player can get by with just a sword and a shield this would limit the combat to a monotonous hack and slash format. The player is given the chance to mix things up by utilizing magic spells and potions to temporarily enhance there weapons and character statistics depending on the situation. For instance, if you are fighting one of Cyrodills inexplicably homicidal mud crabs you may choose to temporarily up your resistance to disease or give your weapon an electrical kick ( According to RPG law you are always vulnerable to electricity if you live in the water. Even if you are not in water at the time).

The game is also host to hundreds of characters, however, this is not necessarily a good thing. Even though the developers filled the game with so many different characters, they apparently thought casting just 7 actors would be more then enough. Although the actors try there best to add individuality to their performances with inconsistent accents and varying tempo & pitch, all the characters pretty much sound identical. Even with the presence of Sean Bean & Captain Jean Luc Picard himself, Patrick Stewart the game is devoid of any memorable characters. Well. I quite enjoy spending time with Ongar the Weary who greets me with 'I'm tired, I sure could go for a nap' every time I see him, probably on account of him never actually going to bed.

Even though some of the side quests require the player to shift between hero and villain, there is no moral consequence and I was left (And still am) emotionally detached from the game, the aforementioned character problems only make matters worse, as does the horrifically stilted and nonsensical dialogue. The main questline is also the least interesting part of the game and to be honest I couldn't care less whether Brother Martin reclaims the throne or not.

Now, I've already mentioned that I'm no expert on game mechanics but I will say that the team combat scenarios are incredibly flawed. You'll watch in awe as your team mates run haphazardly into the line of fire and swing wildly at the air and you'd better make sure your TV is insured when they casually walk in front of your sword mid swing, because you'll throw the controller at the screen out of sheer frustration. What's worse is that if your team mates happen to BE The Imperial Guard and this happens, you'll find yourself going to jail.

Much like the police in the GTA series, The Imperial Guard act as your foil in the event that you go crazy and start killing the townsfolk or get caught stealing.If you do they'll offer you the chance to go to jail, pay a fine or resist arrest. Both paying the fine and going to jail come at a cost for the player, whereas resisting arrest for the most trivial of crimes will see approximately four hundred of Cyrodiil's finest attempting to hack you to pieces all the while psychotically screaming 'WHY. WON'T. YOU. DIE!'. Personally, I feel being run out of town for accidentally picking up a pair of garden shears a bit excessive, but that's the law.

The sheer size of the game means the game is victim to frequent loading screens, most noteably when you are roaming the country side or entering a city for the first time. I also found the back and forth nature of some of the quests to be tiresome.

With this being said, Oblivion is by no means a bad game. It's just a very flawed one. It's always fun and the sheer amount of independence and customization on offer here is amazing. It may not have the emotional impact of Bioshock or the Legend of Zelda series, but it's still involving and there are some genuine touches of brilliance(A surreal mission where you journey into someones dream is a personal favorite) to make you forgive its occasional shortcomings and it'll keep you busy for a long time.

The blockbuster of the summer?

I don't read comic books and have no desire to do so as I already have my fair share of interests that are deemed 'uncool', If you smell what i'm cooking. Quite honestly I think watching these movies having not read the comics themselves is a good thing. I'd rather be impartial and enjoy the film as a separate entity then be part of the crowd that inhabits the IMDB message boards complaining about what was left out and posting insightful comments such as "They completely *bleep* up Venom in Spiderman 3" & "THIS FILM SUX COLUSSUS WUZ ONLY IN IT FOR LIKE 10 SECONDS!1!1".

Anyways. I've seen the new Iron Man 2 trailer and I've got to say it's pretty awesome. The film looks to be as action packed as the first and the special effects look pretty spectacular. Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow are both returning for this second installment and Downey Jr in particular looks to be on fine form. We also get a glimpse of the new super villains played by Sam Rockwell & Mickey Rourke, as well as our first look at War Machine who acts as Iron Man's sidekick. Think Robin, but without the homosexual overtones.

I do have a few gripes though. Firstly. The relationship between Pepper & Stark developed in the first film looks to be taking a backseat here, which is a real shame because it was that story arc that gave the first film its emotional weight. Secondly. I don't like Don Cheadle and in my eyes he is a poor substitute for Terence Howard. Thirdly. Does Sam Jackson have to appear in every single comic book adaption there is and how are you supposed to take him seriously in that eye patch?

http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?nid=27219

Resident Evil Extinction review

What a babe!












You don't wanna miss this.












































































































































Spoilers below


































































































































































































It sucks, don't watch it.

Terminator Salvation

Considering the overwhelming praise for my last effort I thought i'd have another go.

So after the events of the third film mankind is on the brink of extinction. Our only hope. John Conner (Christian Bale).After stumbling across a new weapon that could turn the tide of the war, the 'resistance' is preparing one big push (If you will :D). However, when he meets ex convict 'Marcus' (Played by Sam Worthington) everything is called into question.

The first three Terminator films pretty much stuck to the same exact formula and were mainly successful for there special effects (The third one, not so much) and leading man, so it's somewhat admirable that the writers & director McG(Yeah)at least tried to take the series in a different direction. The outcomes however is a lot less admirable.

To say that the film is a total mess would be like saying the citizens of Nagasaki came out a little sunburned on that fateful day in 1945 (It's late, that's the best I can do). After an incomprehensible first 15 minutes that saw Christian Bale grunt, shout (Or just grunt loudly), crash a helicopter and finally dive out of a plane so he could smuggle himself on board a submarine that served as headquarters to the human resistance (Yes this really happens), confusion and boredom were already setting in and it only got worse from there. Now admittedly the plot isn't really hard to follow, but McG's inept directing makes it just that.

But perhaps the most obvious problem here is the script. The biggest problem is that it does not develop or give us reason to care about any of the supporting characters (and frankly, none of the main ones either). But what's even worse is that key characters appear and then disappear from the film for extended periods of time. The biggest victim of this is Bryce Howard's Kate Conner who serves as John's significant other. Well, at least that's what Wikipedia tells me. Quite frankly, apart from the occasional embrace and what I'd learned from the third film, there was little to no explanation as to who she was or why she was there. Her only purpose seemed to be comforting John as he sat moping in dark rooms listening to tapes left to him by his mother Sarah (Voiced by an apparently sedated Linda Hamilton).

Then there's Christian Bale. It seems that after the on-set incident during production everyone is out to get him. As great an actor as Christian Bale is, his performance here is just awful. I'm not sure why Bale decided that John Conner should be stricken with a permanent case of tonsillitis, I'm sure he thought it would add to the characters intensity. In fact John Conner is so intense, he can only express himself by grimacing, grunting and screaming.


Christian Bale is intense

It's sad really because i'm sure he was just trying to make the most of the limited script, but by the end the character has just become farcical.


Also, I'm sure the screenwriters had a good chuckle when they were throwing in all those references to the earlier installments. I'm sure the film drew some polite laughs in the cinema when conner said 'i'll be back'. But really, does every update of a franchise have to rely on these cheap references to its predecessors. It goes to show that the new ideas in these films are so bland and forgetable, the screenwrites have to throw in these little nudges to the audience just to remind them why they are even watching the film in the first place, if in doubt just watch Episode I-III of Star Wars.


And one more thing, why is it all post apocalyptic tribes have to make the crazy senior citizen who talks in riddles their leader?

If there's one saving grace it's Sam Worthington who actually came close to giving the film some heart, it's too bad his character got bumped off instead of Marlboro man. Oh well.

So like I said, it's a mess. Personally I blame director McG, the man responsible for these films.


Yep, the man who brought us not one, but two Charlies Angels films was put in charge of rebooting the Terminator franchise. Perhaps a more competent director could have done a better job of balancing the scenes of drama with the relentless action sequences and actually make something decent out of it. I'm also sure any other director whould've known trying to pass off a bollock naked CGI Arnold Swarzenneger as a serious threat was probably not a good idea.

Quite frankly, do yourself a favour stick to the first two films and pretend the series ended there.

*1/2/*****

Look forward to seeing photoshops of me being bent over by cybernetic organisms in the near future.

:D

http://drestoftheworld.livejournal.com/1614.html

It's almost flattering really, i'll have some new reviews up soon so the man can continue his good work.

Backlash

Well, it seems my half drunk review of Alice & Wonderland was not well recieved by the one person who read it, he even went as far as to photoshop me a few times. great stuff! Reading it back through, there were a couple of pretentious bits, but that's the wacky world of film criticism for you.

Alice in Wonderland review.

I'm still trying to get into the habit of doing this but being the busy man I am I haven't had the time/couldn't be bothered.

Anyways, I went to see Tim burtons Alice in Wonderland tonight. I've been apprehensive about this for some time considering the over emphasis on it being in 3D and more alarmingly it being marketed almost soley on the fact Johnny Depp was in it.Before I go on I'd like to point out that I've never read Lewis Carol's work and have no love for the original Disney film so I was able to view the film completely unbiased.

Firstly, I did not see the film in 3D on account of me being a complete cheap skate and the fact that on this particular occasion no amount of visual stimulation would compensate for just how goofy I would look in a pair of Austin Powers specs. On the subject of the visuals, I think people, like myself, will be immediatly turned off by the CGI animation of the characters, however the style of animation grew on me as the film progressed. Secondly, the performances here are great and I was pleasantly supprised by newcomer (I haven't seen her in anything) Mia Wasikowska who made for an excellent lead and the supporting cast all turned in strong albeit eccentric performances.

Then of course there's Johnny Depp whose mainstream success as of late has brought him considerable backlash from the critics and fanboys who consider him a 'sell out'. Well I am both a Johnny Depp fan and a(Aspiring) critic and I thought his portrayal of the Hatter here was a triumph. Once again i'd like to reitterate that I have not read the Lewis Caroll's work and am reviewing the film as an original text not an adaptation. Sure, Depp is once again playing the oddball, the misfit, the freak if you will, but this is not a one dimensional comedy act (Jack Sparrow anyone). Depp's Hatter is not so much mad as he is completely insane, fluctuating between eccentric buffoon to psychotic sociopath with little to no provocation and its completely enthralling, if a little unsettling at times.

If there is a fault with this film it is its misguided thrid act, in which the film becomes just another action/fantasy flick and not a particuarly good one. By this point I cared about the characters on screen so it didn't fall into Eragon territory but it certainly wasn't Lord of the Rings either. It's hardly new ground for Burton either, all the usual devices and conventions of his previous work are here, the german expressionism visuals are once again present and the themes of uneasy adolesance are all things we've seen before and done better in his earlier films, I.e Edward Scissorhands. Also,I can confidently say that fans of the original litrature will be horrified by what I'm sure are tweaks put there to appease Burton & Hollywood the most obvious victim, being the dialogue, the sort of things that turned me against his earlier screen adaptaion of Charlie & The chocolate Factory.

However, the film was a tremendously fun experience for me and a far richer experience then James Cameron's overblown Avatar.

and the pretentious star rating is

****/*****