The tragic fate of The Phantom Menace

For a lot of us Star Wars was a big part of our childhood, I can safetly say it was a big part of mine. My first experience with Star Wars came when I was about 8 years old when I stumbled across a scene from what I would later discover to be Empire Stirkes Back, for whatever reason it was in spanish. My mother quickly found an old, English VHS tape for me to sit down and watch and thus, it began. I remember being mesmerized the first time I saw the AT-AT's on the ice plant of Hoth and being absolutely terrified watching Vader pursue Luke accross Cloud City. Admittedly, the famous 'I am your father' line had little effect on me because I had not yet watched A New Hope, it didn't matter though, I was gripped.

For years I thought Han Solo was the coolest character I'd ever seen (especially when he shot Greedo in the cantine), collected as much merchandise as possible and watched each film at least 20 times. So when the news that Lucas would begin filming his prequels I, like everyone else, waited eagerly for what would surely be the cinematic event of our lifetime.

Assuming that people actually read this I think everyone knows what happened.




Isn't he cute

The point of this post is not to lambast the film and really what more can be said . Yes Jar Jar is a prick, with all the charm of a rabid poodle.Yes Jake Lloyd, who was no doubt on the receiving end of many toilet bowl dunkings and lunch money beatings throughout his secondary school tenure, can get real irritating as Anakin. And Yes the dialogue is pretty bad. But is it really that bad of a film?

Up until today I would have happily said yes but this afternoon I watched it for the first time in years.


The plot is certainly the least convulted and easy to follow of the prequels, although Lucas would later try his hand at littering his films with dull & nonsensical political subtext, here the focus is mainly on the films characters and their own individual dillemas. Of course Lucas wrote the film and therefore some of the dialogue is flat out stupid(The less said about midi chlorians the better)but like its predeccessors the actors manage to rise above it.

You see the films cast quickly got tired of being mugged by thousands of light sabre wielding Kevin Smith's on a daily basis (Attack of the Clones!) and come episode 2 had lost almost all there passion, even before Episode 3 had hit the theatres Mcgregor and Portman were flat out denouncing the series. Watching episodes 2 & 3 it is easy to forget the level of talent of the films cast, both Portman & McGregor are great actors and in The Phantom Menace it is clear they actually give a damn about the project. The film's unsung hero though, is this man.



The man responsible for making ageing hippies feel better about themselves

Of all the characters introduced to the series through the prequels (And there are a LOT) Qui Gon stands high above the rest. You see, in the earlier films a great deal of time is spent discussing the Jedi's of old and out of all the jedi introduced in this film he's the only one who meets the criteria. You see unlike the other Jedi who sit around all day in their tower discussing midi chlorians, Qui Gon actually does stuff AND he's got a bit of a rebellious streak which makes him even more endearing. He's also a homewrecker, encouraging Anakin to risk his life for a bunch of strangers and then tearing him away from his mother. He also did himself no favours by saving Jar Jar Binks. Seriously though, Neeson is a fountain of charisma here and Lucas wisely centres the films action around him. I'd also like to breifly mention Pernilla August who actually delivers quite the heart breaking little performance as Anakins mother, Schmi.

And that's what supprised me so much about this film when I watched it. I cared. I actually cared about the characters (With a few obvious exceptions). There are some genuinley emotional moments here, most noteably the scene where Anakin and his mother part ways on Tatooine.It is the scenes with Anakin, Qui Gon & Schmi that give the film a real emotional weight, a trait absent from the later films.

One of the things I hated so much about said films is that they were clearly filmed in front of a green screen in a studio. Sure, the effects were fantastic at the time but really when you think about it these films were nothing but a bunch of demotivated actors stood around talking in front of a big screensaver. Here Lucas actually balances the use of models, CGI and real locations perfectly, as a result it's easier to immerse yourself in the world put forth on the screen.

I've been one of Lucas's biggest detractors over the years, however, to ignore his contributions to film making would be grossly unfair. If you ever get a chance to watch the making of documentary on the bonus disc you will find it not only exposes Lucas's ineptitude at directing actors ('Faster, more intense')but also as a technical visionary always looking for new ways to push the technological envelope. It should be noted that the technology used to bring Jar Jar to the screen is very similar (And possibly an earlier version) of the motion capture equipment used to bring Gollum to the screen. Ironically this films visual effects hold up the best of all the prequels, in fact it hasn't aged badly at all, from an aesthetic standpoint it's pretty damn flawless. The sound effects inparticualr are fantastic, especially during the pod racer sequence.

Whilst on the subject, I should mention that the set pieces in this film are absolutely fantastic, both the pod race and the Jedi duel are spectacular edge of your seat entertainment. The film as a whole is paced rather well, especially for a George Lucas film, but the third act inparticular is half hour of non stop excitment, even if you cannot abide Jar Jar Binks. Also, John Williams returned to compose a brand new score and it's certainly up there with his best work, the stand out obviously being the unforgettable Duel of the Fates composition.

What is sad is that a lot of people will tell you that this is where the magic died for them. Whilst it is true that the film never reaches the highs of the original trilogy, realistically it never could. There comes a point where expectations are so high for a film that there is no way it could ever possibly live up to it. It's for this reason that I found myself sympathising with young Jake Lloyd, someone so young being given a role like this was a huge undertaking and in his defence he's no worse then many other child actors I've seen, even if he is REALLY irritating.

Of course the film is far from perfect and there's plenty of things to moan about, i'll just list a few.

Jar Jar

'It's a standoff, lets go!'

'i'll try spinning that's a good trick!'

The droid controlships power core being located inside the hanger bay?!

Racial stereotyping - See Gunray, Nute

Unfiltered Lucas Dialogue

A really naff Yoda puppet



This Fucker!^

Although it is not a perfect film by any stretch it's certainly underserving of it's title as 'one of the worst films ever made', it's a film that was condemmed by it's own hype. Now, episode 2 on the other hand......

Oh, the pretentious star rating

***3/4/***** Yeah why not! (I had rated it at 4 stars, but Anakin's 'THIS IS TENSE' line admist the space battle annoyed me to no end)

A grand day out

Today started off like any other day, I got up and went to uni, went to the gym and returned home. Of course we're currently in barbeque season and I found myself invited to one. After said barbeque, me and my group of friends decided to head down to the penny arcades.




Ah, the penny arcades. An eclectic mix of elderly tourists, young children, angry youths and hopeless alcoholics. Oh and we were there as well. Anyways, we visited these arcades and I quickly found myself suckered in by the bright lights and really quite pointless penny falls.

These arcade attractions are designed to encourage gambling on weak minded folk and up until today I never thought to class myself as such. After wasting over 4 pounds on the big money penny falls, I quickly moved over to the claw crane.



Now, once again I should reitterate that I was fully aware that these machines are designed to fail and will only pay out after a certain amount of money has been paid in and keep people hooked by giving them the illusion that there skills will earn them a nice reward. After I started playing I found myself falling into this trap. Sure, losers before me would have fallen for this machines dirty tricks, but I, I had a method, unlike the losers before me my persistence would pay off. I didn't even want the prize, there was no girl to impress and I have no desire to hold onto cuddly toys. I needed to do this for me, for my pride. Well, no such luck, I was 5 pounds down and had fallen victim like so many before me prey to this cursed machine.

I then moved onto the ticket machines, where players can take part in games of 'skill' and be rewarded by prize tickets. Earn enough tickets and you can exchange them for 'neat' prizes. Only problem is, is that the good prizes are valued at around 20,000 tickets and for a 30p game you will earn somewhere between 3-5 tickets. Hindsight is 20/20 and only now can I see what a complete waste of time the whole experience was. I spent 6 pounds on these games and only earned 70 tickets, enough to earn a pack of playing cards AND.....a ping pong ball. Still, despite being a complete waste of time and money it was somehow entertaining.



Earn enough of these and you can buy that pencil sharpener you've always wanted, for ten times the amount you'd pay anywhere else!


Finally, we visited one of those seaside shops where you can buy all kinds of novelty tac, from inflateable crocodie floats to 'comedic' postcards. Again, common sense took a holiday as I was inticed to buy something from this shop, to buy something I wouldn't look twice at if I saw it elsewhere. Eventually I settled for a giant mug that said 'The Boss'. In my defense I wanted to buy a self depricating one that said 'TWAT' but alas it cost 50p more then the others so I settled with a mug that allows me to drink coffee and soothe my ego all at once.

Again, there is no real reason for this entry but hey if you read this I hope it was an enlightening experience. Also, BEWARE the claw crane, you'll never get the better of it!

The woes of being a Film Studies student

Anyone who knows me will probably tell you that I like to spend a lot of time in the gym and take great pride over my physique. Problem is, that my dieting (Or lack of) is such, that all the time I spend in the gym means little in the long run and as a result tend to look exactly the same as when I started going 3 years ago. With this being said, I've actually managed to get into good shape recently, managing both my diet and putting extra effort into my gym sessions. However, with the recent influx of student loans I've been drinking like Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas and as a result the guts come creeping back.






So, last night I decided to have a film night with my friends (Yeah, It surprises me too sometimes), specifically a horror film night. Now I love Film Studies and it will hopefully give me the education I need to make it in the film buisness in later life, but MY GOD, does it make the casual film going experience a pain in the ass and boy does it ever make you unpopular with those around you as you sit there dissecting their favorite films. Take for example the time my mother and little brother decided to watch Transformers. Even though I was playing Halo 3 on a neighboring TV, I felt it was my duty to lean over and explain to them what a wretched film it was that they were watching. Even though my little brother was blatantly ignoring me as I ranted about how the camera inexplicably wouldn't stop moving and even though my mother had abandoned the living room when I started to complain about how there were far too many characters and the dialogue was stupid, I was satisfied. I was doing them a service.

Anyways

It was decided, against my will, that we should watch this piece of shit.




Here is the synopsis for the film. Taken from bloody-disgusting.com

Ten years ago, a tragedy changed the town of Harmony forever. Tom Hanniger, an inexperienced coal miner, caused an accident in the tunnels that trapped and killed five men and sent the only survivor, Harry Warden, into a permanent coma. But Harry Warden wanted revenge. Exactly one year later, on Valentine's Day, he woke up...and brutally murdered twenty-two people with a pickaxe before being killed.

Ten years later, Tom Hanniger returns to Harmony on Valentine's Day, still haunted by the deaths he caused. Struggling to make amends with his past, he grapples with unresolved feelings for his ex-girlfriend, Sarah, who is now married to his best friend, Axel, the town sheriff. But tonight, after years of peace, something from Harmony's dark past has returned. Wearing a miner's mask and armed with a pickaxe, an unstoppable killer is on the loose. And as his footsteps come ever closer, Tom, Sarah and Axel realize in terror that it just might be Harry Warden who's come back to claim them...


No points for originality, still I decided to give it a fair shot and by fair I mean keeping my mouth shut for as long as possible.

I lasted 5 minutes.

Truth be told, it wasn't until Jensen Ackles started 'acting' that I found myself biting my tongue, sure the film was already 500 different kinds of stupid but I could take it. But then he kept talking and 'emoting' and it became harder and harder to restrain myself. The opening sequence stupidity was starting to eat away at me, why were these people partying down a mine? Why were the film producers checking off every horror cli shay as fast as possible? Why was I watching this film? The words were coming, I couldn't hold them in any longer. The room had to know my opinion of this film, I was being pushed over the edge. Then the words came forth 'This film is fucking shit'. I felt better for it, but the relief would only be tempoary. There were still 90 minutes left!


And what a 90 minutes they were, Ackles moved his eyes into different positions to suggest a change of emotion, characters inexplicably looked exactly the same ten years on from the scene at the start of the film and people died in ridiculous fashion. I was in luck however, the group of people I was watching it with shared my emotion and did not take offense to my random outbursts. Next time I may not be so lucky.

My day!

Yep, can't be bothered to write a review today and it's not like anyone reads this damn thing anyway so I'm just going to write about my day.

So. Because I wish to stay here in sunny, um, Portsmouth, I've decided to get myself a summer job. The alternative is I sit at home for 3 months in Weston-Super-Mare begging my parents for money and this can't happen. Thus, drastic times call for drastic measures and I have been forced to take a job.....here.



Upon arriving hilarity ensued as I was sat down and told that I had shown up 2 hours early to the wrong Burger King. The girl who informed me of this was about a foot shorter than me which made me feel extra stupid.

On the way home I saw a crazy looking old man accross the street, I'm sure he was perfectly nice man, he was just dressed rather odd. There seems to be at least one of these men in every town I've been to, they wear anoraks or long tweed coats with a novelty hat and often have a small mane of hair that comes down to their shoulders, like they showed up to a Doctor Who audition in the seventies, got rejected and then, in an act of denial, never changed their clothes.

They look a little like Kim Newman of Sight & Sound & Empire magazine fame.






I don't feel so self consious about wearing a flat cap anymore.

Where have I been?

Yes, for the benefit of all/2 of my loyal fans I thought I'd give a quick status update. The reason for the lack of posts this month is due to a cocktail of University work & laziness, however I am in the process of writing something on The Black Eyed Peas so you all have that to look forward to.

In the mean time here are some random thoughts.

Mountain Dew.

For weeks now my friend here at University has been drinking this stuff, even when he had no money he would somehow always be able to purchase a can of this stuff.
to hear him talk about this stuff, you'd think Christ himself was brewing it. Ugh.So anyway I bought a can for no less then 80P! and it was just Sprite, albeit more sickly.


Don't you dare try and steal this mans Mountain Dew

This. This ruined my day and inspired me to start blogging again. So for all my detractors out there. Blame Mountain Dew.

Gorillaz

Like all Gorrilaz songs, Stylo starts getting old after the third time you hear it. With that said Bruce Willis is in the music video and despite being 50 years old he's still super cool.






I literally have no idea what was going on in this video and I have no interest in reading up on the Gorillaz storyline. Besides I find Youtube trolls arguing about it far too entertaining and don't want to run the risk of becoming one of them. All I know is Bruce Willis smirks a lot and it's great.

Wrestlemania XXVI

It was terrific from start to finish.



Wrestling is not gay!


Anyways. Hope this tides you all over for the time being. PEACE!

Playing Oblivion

Oblivion: The Elder Scrolls

Because I know little to nothing about game mechanics and I haven't yet completed the game, this will be more of a summary then a review but hey, it'll be tremendous fun won't it. You bet!

Well, probably not.

The game is set in the fictional world of Cyrodiil, consisting of about a dozen small towns separated by a vast countryside. As well as the towns many shops and houses which you can access at will. The countryside hubworld also has plenty of caves and old buildings to explore in which the players curiosity will often be rewarded with bonus items and hidden treasures. It would take at least 6 hours of playtime just to identify all the landmarks on the map and who knows how many more to explore them in full. It all looks lovely too,for a game released 4 years ago the games graphics haven't aged badly at all.

Aside from the first hour of playtime in which it is compulsory to play through the opening to the games main quest line, the player is free to do whatever they want from then on. Whether they want to join the various guilds, run menial errands for the townsfolk or simply explore Cyrodiil, is left entirely up to the players discretion. I've personally put in about 15 hours of playtime and I've barely touched the main quest line.

The game also boasts a levelling up system. How the players character levels up depends on which of the ten species he chose to play as at the start of the game. For example. If the player chooses the Imperial, his character will level up based on your use of combat and speechcraft whereas if they pick a Wood Elf, the levelling up would depend on your use of your bow and magic. The player can also customize their character, from their gender to the size of their head there is a wealth of customization options on offer. Unfortunately this means the player will be forced to fight the temptation of making their character look like a character from Tod Browning's Freaks rather then the saviour of a civilization.

Case in point.

And that's pretty tame

The combat is also incredibly varied and although the player can get by with just a sword and a shield this would limit the combat to a monotonous hack and slash format. The player is given the chance to mix things up by utilizing magic spells and potions to temporarily enhance there weapons and character statistics depending on the situation. For instance, if you are fighting one of Cyrodills inexplicably homicidal mud crabs you may choose to temporarily up your resistance to disease or give your weapon an electrical kick ( According to RPG law you are always vulnerable to electricity if you live in the water. Even if you are not in water at the time).

The game is also host to hundreds of characters, however, this is not necessarily a good thing. Even though the developers filled the game with so many different characters, they apparently thought casting just 7 actors would be more then enough. Although the actors try there best to add individuality to their performances with inconsistent accents and varying tempo & pitch, all the characters pretty much sound identical. Even with the presence of Sean Bean & Captain Jean Luc Picard himself, Patrick Stewart the game is devoid of any memorable characters. Well. I quite enjoy spending time with Ongar the Weary who greets me with 'I'm tired, I sure could go for a nap' every time I see him, probably on account of him never actually going to bed.

Even though some of the side quests require the player to shift between hero and villain, there is no moral consequence and I was left (And still am) emotionally detached from the game, the aforementioned character problems only make matters worse, as does the horrifically stilted and nonsensical dialogue. The main questline is also the least interesting part of the game and to be honest I couldn't care less whether Brother Martin reclaims the throne or not.

Now, I've already mentioned that I'm no expert on game mechanics but I will say that the team combat scenarios are incredibly flawed. You'll watch in awe as your team mates run haphazardly into the line of fire and swing wildly at the air and you'd better make sure your TV is insured when they casually walk in front of your sword mid swing, because you'll throw the controller at the screen out of sheer frustration. What's worse is that if your team mates happen to BE The Imperial Guard and this happens, you'll find yourself going to jail.

Much like the police in the GTA series, The Imperial Guard act as your foil in the event that you go crazy and start killing the townsfolk or get caught stealing.If you do they'll offer you the chance to go to jail, pay a fine or resist arrest. Both paying the fine and going to jail come at a cost for the player, whereas resisting arrest for the most trivial of crimes will see approximately four hundred of Cyrodiil's finest attempting to hack you to pieces all the while psychotically screaming 'WHY. WON'T. YOU. DIE!'. Personally, I feel being run out of town for accidentally picking up a pair of garden shears a bit excessive, but that's the law.

The sheer size of the game means the game is victim to frequent loading screens, most noteably when you are roaming the country side or entering a city for the first time. I also found the back and forth nature of some of the quests to be tiresome.

With this being said, Oblivion is by no means a bad game. It's just a very flawed one. It's always fun and the sheer amount of independence and customization on offer here is amazing. It may not have the emotional impact of Bioshock or the Legend of Zelda series, but it's still involving and there are some genuine touches of brilliance(A surreal mission where you journey into someones dream is a personal favorite) to make you forgive its occasional shortcomings and it'll keep you busy for a long time.

The blockbuster of the summer?

I don't read comic books and have no desire to do so as I already have my fair share of interests that are deemed 'uncool', If you smell what i'm cooking. Quite honestly I think watching these movies having not read the comics themselves is a good thing. I'd rather be impartial and enjoy the film as a separate entity then be part of the crowd that inhabits the IMDB message boards complaining about what was left out and posting insightful comments such as "They completely *bleep* up Venom in Spiderman 3" & "THIS FILM SUX COLUSSUS WUZ ONLY IN IT FOR LIKE 10 SECONDS!1!1".

Anyways. I've seen the new Iron Man 2 trailer and I've got to say it's pretty awesome. The film looks to be as action packed as the first and the special effects look pretty spectacular. Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow are both returning for this second installment and Downey Jr in particular looks to be on fine form. We also get a glimpse of the new super villains played by Sam Rockwell & Mickey Rourke, as well as our first look at War Machine who acts as Iron Man's sidekick. Think Robin, but without the homosexual overtones.

I do have a few gripes though. Firstly. The relationship between Pepper & Stark developed in the first film looks to be taking a backseat here, which is a real shame because it was that story arc that gave the first film its emotional weight. Secondly. I don't like Don Cheadle and in my eyes he is a poor substitute for Terence Howard. Thirdly. Does Sam Jackson have to appear in every single comic book adaption there is and how are you supposed to take him seriously in that eye patch?

http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?nid=27219